"I celebrated 23 years of sobriety this past January and finished my final project for my Master’s degree last week. I am an A student by the grace of God, and I put my all into my work no matter what the task or requirement is. I reflect back to the 92 pound near death mess I was upon my final surrender to alcohol and drugs. With my sponsors (and her sponsor) strong suggestion of long term treatment, I went out to Los Angeles to one of the two sober living places available where women and their children were accepted. Women die of Mommy guilt every day. I use my voice today to educate and try to rid the stigma of those who still suffer and self- destruct, and that minimize and lie about what is really going on in shame and fear of judgment, punishment and retaliation for having an illness.
It took years, but I will not stay quiet-I will not be silent-I will use my voice and experience. How we tire of being looked on with contempt. Hate the disease, not the person suffering with the disease. They already hate themselves. Sadly, this includes in the rooms as well. We are fair game. Guys are arrested, pee in public, make asses of themselves and they get laughs and an attentive audience when they tell their stories-we are sluts and bad mothers.
The definition of stigma- ‘a distinguishing mark of social disgrace’ and as one writer stated ‘who would take a stand and admit this and try to change things? Me. I will not stay silent. Some of my greatest struggles and disappointments are my greatest motivators. There is a spiritual or existential dysfunction to the point of intolerable in a person’s emotional and mental life and this is an ongoing process. Alcohol and or drugs are but a symptom of the illness and the pharmaceutical industry is not creating cures, it creates customers. I know this by the dozens of women I have crossed paths with and witnessed many taking prescribed medications to numb them out, keep them down and not feel. They simply exist, a few of them that lost a baby end up giving away their living children as they are ‘not worthy’ of having them for what they have done. The ultimate martyr-and this contempt often comes from family and very often from our society. Some of the said cleverness that these women have tolerated and then shared with me is a form of mean spirited trickery for sport or personal gain- unspeakable blame and cruelty that does nothing but keep her down. I am indeed one who appears to be a chosen comforter-truth teller, and an opportunity to connect with humans on a level I never thought possible. I recall some of the people years ago that told me there was a reason for all this and it would be revealed someday.
Rid the stigma-treat the illness that it is. There are now treatment centers that take women through the 2nd and 3rd trimester to get the baby here safely-period. There is gender specific treatment- finally.
You are not bad and you are not broken. You matter and you are loved. I am determined to lift the fallen, restore the broken and heal the hurting. Let go of what you can’t change. Healing does not mean the damage never existed-it means that damage no longer controls our lives. Never regret or apologize for having the sense to let go of nonsense that causes you stress, negativity or drama. Be soft, loving-but also take nobody’s shit. Don’t be ashamed of your story-it just might inspire someone. Separate yourself from blessing blockers-they purposely distract you with sin, drama and fear because they can’t stand to see you happy.
Please don’t think for minute that I have not taken major heat for this-some from ‘professionals’. But as the heroin and meth epidemic sky rockets-so will the insanity that comes with it. Ohio reports and increase in addicted babies at 750% in a month. More mothers are self- destructing because of the unthinkable. 9 out of 10 alcoholic/ addict women have been sexually abused, raped or tortured in their youth. We must get down to causes and conditions and discuss solution-no matter how painful it is. Then you redefine yourself as an independent victor in your own life."