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Helping Others in Active Addiction


"I grew up with a solid foundation and parents that loved and cared for me. I played and bickered with my siblings and also loved them so much. I can remember from an early age the feeling of "getting away with it!" I'm uncertain what I found so enticing about this feeling but it was something I longed for. I was caught stealing a piece of bubble gum at age 8. Fast forward to age 14 and I was invited to a party. During that party a friend and I consumed 2 bottles of Boone's Farm strawberry Hill wine. I loved the way I felt! I was free! The next morning I was extremely sick and vowed to never again drink wine, but was determined to find that feeling again. Over the next several years I would begin smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol any chance I got. This was made easier by my "bad boy" boyfriend. Together we would spend many nights sneaking out of the house and getting loaded. I wanted to feel that "getting away with it" and intoxicated feeling as often as possible. I graduated High school and moved away to College. I had the same boyfriend and we continued to drink and smoke marijuana frequently. At age 19 I got pregnant with my first son. This was the catalyst for me to stop using all substances. I embraced being a wife, mother and enabler. My boyfriend turned husband continued to use whatever substance came his way, while I proceeded to "Fix" him and rescue him from the consequences. At age 21 I gave birth to my second son. Eighteen month later I gave birth to my daughter, and 2 years later at age 25 I birthed another son. Here I was, aged 25 with 4 children, ages 6, 4, 3 and newborn, married to an alcoholic. It took everything in me to keep my head above water. When my youngest son was 4 months old, my husband brought home some Methamphetamine. After some convincing, I agreed to try it. Initially I was not impressed, but as the day continued, I began to realize how much energy I had, the kids were all taken care of, the laundry was done, dinner was on the table, bath time happened with no child screaming and I still had energy to read bedtime stories and finish the dishes. I truly believed I had discovered my salvation. For the next 3 years I used meth at any opportunity. Things began to take a turn for the worse when I found a dealer that had a ready supply of meth. I began to use money for bills to pay for more meth. For 3 more years I continued to go down this path. The path led to repossessed cars, foreclosed homes, criminal charges, neglected children and a very angry alcoholic husband. At age 30, I was homeless living in my car, and pregnant with another man's child. I felt my life had reached its end. I spent several months trying to end mine & my unborn child's life. Divine intervention took place and I was ordered to enroll in a residential treatment program. I would spend the next 99 days in treatment. I completed the treatment program and moved in with my parents. At age 31 I gave birth to my 5 child, a beautiful baby boy. I was provided the opportunity to place him with a loving family that would raise him as their own. A beautiful and painful experience. However, I was able to begin putting my life back together. After 18 months in recovery I accepted a job as a counselor at a local treatment center. I became a Licensed Addiction counselor and have spent the past 22 years giving back. I dedicated many years to showing up for my children however and whenever I could. They were living with my ex husband who was continuing his alcohol and substance use. My children were afraid to leave their dad for fear he would end his life. So I showed up for them and walked them through the struggle of growing up with an alcoholic. Today, I have a beautiful relationship with all 5 of my children. I have a successful career in the Recovery field and continue to give back what was so freely given to me. I have a passion for helping others find their own path to recovery and sharing with them my own lived experience. I am forever grateful for the path I have taken. Thank you for letting me share a bit of my Recovery journey."

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