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Substance Abuse

Relationships and Family


Well, it has been 21 years on June 22, 2001, since I've been clean.
I was lucky enough not to relapse, it's not part of my story.

I had enough of the way my life was headed. I was 9 yrs. old when I started drinking, as my dad was in the Forces, we traveled a lot. So was always picking up and moving. Drinking was easy, it helped the loss of best friends, then I let that go till I was15, when I was drinking more, but need something more numbing and exciting, I started doing speed, I like the way it may me feel, I could try to make friends easier as I was doing it with that crowd.

Again, we moved, had to start over, was scared and fearful of what would happen. I started drinking again heavy, I was able to hold on to Graduating High School, but no desire to cont. my education. I wanted to party!

I always felt I had control of my life, but I did not. I got into a relationship, started using a whole new drug, cocaine, that was the start of a whole new level of getting high, now I could drink more stay up more..
I got married had 2 kids, that went nowhere, had another child, so now I'm a single Mom with 3 kids, I did manage to keep my job always,, but was always high most of the time,, even doing it in the bathroom during working hours and lunch,,

Got myself together for a short time to get remarried,, another 2 kids, I married an alcoholic and we were on, but I was feeling bad because I wasn't seeing my family wasn't taking care of my kids as well as I should have, they got to do whatever they wanted,,
and I started feeling like I was losing myself, got real depressed and manic off and on.
Went to therapy and physiatrist, got on meds to help my depression that didn't really help!! Still drinking, got another divorce. 2 more kids, Now I have 5 kids and single!!
I knew I couldn't live this way and needed to do something. I realized it was my using.... and I needed help!!!
Went thru a lot of problems and therapy wasn't working I thought, but after 18 months of going 1 to 2 times a week, I started to see where my problems began, drinking. I thought I was pulling the wool over my therapist eyes and was not telling him about my street drugs and kept insisting it was the drinking and company I hung with, but one day I heard him clearly.... I was an alcoholic!!!!, so we had a little extra time spent that day, and I realized I needed help!!! I wasn't going to be able to do it myself!!!
He suggested an inpatient recovery for 30 days, after him asking if I thought I was an alcoholic,, he said he was pretty sure my work was willing to send me there for no cost,, I went on July 4th 2001, My last drink was June 22, 2001..
I was so relieved I got their help I needed. Don't know if I could have done it on my own. I was 48 years old before that day...
I've stayed clean and worked A 12 Step Program got a sponsor worked all the steps, took on Sponsee’s, and to this day have 3 constant sponsees..
I still go to meeting when I can, the covid thing got me the first year it was out, sick for 24/7 for 6 weeks and fog brain for still a few months after that, that kept me from in person meeting, but did Zoom.
I'm thankful I had a therapist who stuck by my side and helped to realize that I was an Addict!!!
I'm grateful My Kids are very happy they got their Mama back, My family is proud of me for finally taking care of the whole problem, not just the using , but the understanding of the vicious​ cycle that I was going thru all those years. That it was a disease....
I'm still learning about where my problems were, and that I need to be HONEST with myself and quit telling the lies!!
I'm glad to be clean today...
Thank you so much for Narcotics Anonymous

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